Well, okay. Not really. But I’m certainly taking a break in fertility land.

So, I’m pretty sure that I haven’t updated you all on this topic in a while, so for those few of you who are new to my blog (if any) my husband and I have been trying to have kids for coming up on six and a half years now. This has left me a) exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally b) puffy c)lacking in creativity and d) really rather annoyed. In short, no fun to be around.

The most recent fertility drug I’ve been on involved twice daily belly injections as of this last round. The amount of drug/amount of injections has varied over the time I’ve used it. And, at last check, the belly injections have not been more effective than the last oral drug I took. So, the prevailing theory is to go back to it next. Femara, not the evil Clomid of “I Have All Side Effects on the List.”

Also? The Nurse Practitioners keep telling me I should really “see someone” about my depression problems relating to this issue. Sigh.

Honestly? I’m tired of being constantly exhausted/not feeling like myself/being even more ready to cry than usual (which is saying something, folks)/not exercising as much as I’d like to due to paranoia/etc. I want to get back in shape and stop putting off my life for a theoretical possibility. Now, this whole infertility thing itself is depressing, but I think at this point I need to see about finding some joy for myself. I’ll get back on the horse once I feel a bit more on an even keel.

In the next month I’m: going to Reno to see a car museum and a clothing museum; taking in a concert played by Kansas, Styx, AND Foreigner; heading down to Disneyland and a party at the Stinking Rose; and flying out to Atlanta with my sister to go to my Nana’s 95th birthday party. I’ll probably spend the following month recovering. Egad. This should also give me something much less depressing to think about.

Hello again all.

I’ve had my new job for two weeks at this point, and I must say I am loving it. I’m not so big on having to deal with a learning curve situation, as I much prefer to know what I’m doing inside and out. (I have a whole perfectionist/hate making mistakes thing…’cause, I’m all perfect and stuff, y’know. Sigh.) Once I’ve finished putting away my stuff, I’ll take some photos of the place for you all. I have four bookcases! Four! (Maniacal laughter)

Oh! And my hair is red now. Every Spring, some alarm seems to go off in my head, and I decide that my hair is booooring. That is a photo of me at the top, taken with a program on my new computer.

In other, more TMI news…

My cycle started again, so after taking January off due to the three ovarian cysts and February off due to bad timing (I went to L.A. for Gallifrey One, remember?) I headed back in to get my innards checked out. The good news: I no longer have three cysts. The bad news: I have one sizable one. or at least, it looked pretty big to me. So, no drugs again, but we’re probably going to try the ovulation kit and and an IUI.

And, I have to say, I’m getting tired of all of this. It’s terribly depressing. Six years of this is a bit…hard to deal with. I’m getting afraid that I’ll be too set in my ways to deal with the chaotic whirlwind that is a child. Will I lose the ability to play airplanes in the park or understand that playing in the mud is fun, not just messy. I don’t know. And I’m tired of not being able to exercise as much as I want to for fear that I’ll lift something heavy without thinking or something along those lines. I’m not really built to be that careful. I used to do all sorts of stomach crunches, darn it! Also? I want to lose twenty pounds. I’m getting fat. And I don’t feel like I have enough time left to take a break and deal with getting in shape or make some life changes that might help.

Yeah. Frustrated. Flabby. And still not pregnant. No idea why, either. And all that the drugs seem to do is give me more cysts.

At least my new job is fun.

Me again.

It looks like my Mother-in-Law may actually be coming home on Sunday. (As in later today after my latest attempt at that sleep thing.) This is our third theoretical release date for her, so here’s hoping that the third time is a charm. And as you may imagine, we have been in a flurry of cleaning here in my “not normally that tidy” but considering recent events grown into “more along the lines of chaos incarnate” place.

Here is a quick list of some actual housework that has occurred here recently: (the following list is based on true events. please remain seated while reading said list to prevent fainting from shock.)

* The sheets on her bed are new and clean.
* The second floor has been vacuumed (except in my messy room.)
* We have a new towel rack (to replace the one in bits lurking about the bathroom.)
* A new shower curtain liner was purchased and hung up.
* The bathtub was cleaned and now sports non-slip duckies.
* The stairs are clean of the usual debris (a.k.a. stuff found downstairs that belongs upstairs.)
* The infamous entryway where I have slipped and fallen twice now has a new rubber-backed rug.
* A new rubber-backed rug lurks at the back door.
* Much kitchen/dining area stuff have been moved about.
* and lots of laundry has been done…and put away!

*whew!* So…yeah. I’m hoping that at the very least she’ll be able to move around the place with the walker I’m told is coming home with her.

In other news, did I mention that I am not taking any fertility drugs this month? Nope. I have managed to develop not one, not two, but three cysts. Bleh. But really, it’s great timing. I just don’t have the time this month. I declare it to be divine intervention, and will now move on to my next newsbyte….

My interview for the job-possibility-I’m-not-saying-much-about is on February 10. Please send any/all prayers and good thoughts my way.

And finally…I have a new cell phone. Why do I have a new phone? Well…it was free. Relatively-speaking, of course. You see, Koshvader needed a new phone as his had started to come over all wonky. And after much debate, he chose a Motorola Droid. Well, said Droid came with a free Droid Eris. So, I ended up upgrading too, though I had not planned to yet.

Let’s pause for a minute to discuss this phone:

1) It’s way more modern that anything phone-like I’ve ever had. I mean, come on, I’ve never even downloaded a ringtone before. I keep discovering new things and hurting my brain.
2) It vibrates when you push its little virtual buttons. Let it be here noted that I hate things that vibrate, as they make my bones ache. Yes. That includes those coaster things they give you at restaurants while you are waiting. (And nope. Apparently you can turn that off in the other Droid, but not in mine.)
3) It’s named Eris. I mean…come on. Who named the phone after the goddess of discord?
“Eris is the Greek goddess of discord and strife. She is Ares’ constant companion and follows him everywhere. Eris is sinister and mean, and her greatest joy is to make trouble.” – Encyclopedia Mythica

But honestly, I can get used to all of this cell phone…usefulness. It’s turning out that I’m using Eris to tame a bunch of the chaos in which I find myself in the new year.

And in the meantime? I’m giving lots of folks their own ringtones. Be afraid.

(So, my friends have a shoulder cat. That’s me that she’s resting on.)

So, remember my hope that 2010 would be better than 2009?

Yeah. Not so much.

On New Year’s Eve we had to take my Mother-in-Law to the ER. Catslyn and Eideann were coming over to spend the holiday with us, so they came along to hang out in the waiting room with us. (Have I mentioned that I have some of the best friends in the world? Well…I do.) It turned out that she was feeling crappy because her colon had blown up like a balloon. Something was blocking it. So, they admitted her and we went home. (She told us later that they came over the intercom at midnight to wish everyone a Happy New Year.)

The next day she went in for surgery, and the four of us hung out in the surgery waiting room playing Apples to Apples and Blockus. (Both really fun games.) It turned out that her ovary, now the size of a softball, had been blocking her colon. But that wasn’t the worst part. No. My Mother-in-Law has colon cancer. They’re saying stage four. (So, yeah. It’s been there a while.) It spread to her ovaries, but not her liver or anything she can’t live without (or so it looks right now.) The current plan in healing up from the ick removal surgery, then some chemo. And then…we’ll see.

So, things are a bit stressful around here right now. Which isn’t fab, as I had my IUI on Monday. I looks like the reason I had been feeling ill the previous week was either a) a reaction to one of the new meds, one of which has a fake sugar in it or b)a mysterious ailment which doesn’t include a fever. Either way, on Saturday it looked already like I was doomed to have some ovarian hyperstimulation. My ovaries were a bit…unhappy. Actually, the NP on Saturday made it sound like I already had a mild case. *shrug* I started to feel a bit ill when I got home this evening, so I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

Enough with the bad stuff, here are a couple good things to counteract the bad:

1) The 2010 Mustang has heated front seats. Catslyn drives one. Shiny thing.

2) The Vig and his wife will be in town this weekend. We plan to have dinner together.

And now, I’m going to pass out…after a few game of solitaire on my shiny new ipod touch.

On the fertility front:

I’ve started the next round of treatment…this time with a nasal spray in addition to the ever popular belly stabbing needle thing. So, now I have the “icky taste in the back of my throat” added to the process. Bleh. In addition, at the end of the year I will no longer be double covered by Kaiser so I need to find out how much it will cost to continue this whole fertility thing. If y’all could please keep your fingers crossed/pray for me? Thanks.

In other news:

After dinner at my parents’ place on Christmas (more on that and my shiny cool presents later) Koshvader and I drove up the mountain to get my Mother in Law. She’s ill again, and this way we managed to avoid the rain/snow of the following day. I was a bit useless at work on Saturday, but I was there and awake. That worked out well enough. And now, today I’m taking her to an Urgent Care appointment. I’ll be heading in to work when I can. At least this means that I had time to run my pants through the dryer. No emergency back up black pants for me today!

Well, I’d best go get a bit of something to eat before I have to leave. Have a Happy New Year/Hogmanay if I forget to mention it later.

Welcome to my roller coaster.

Tuesday last week, after having returned home from Kauai late the night before, I went to get my pregnancy test for this go around. Then…I did stuff around the house.

Wednesday morning I called in for my results. There was a long pause and then the nurse informed me that my test had come back positive.

Me: “Are you sure?”
Her: “Yes. Your HcG level is 23. *starts to list off a bunch of don’ts that basically bounce off of my brain*”
And then I was told to get another blood test the next day. At this point I was very cautiously optimistic, but trying not to get my hopes up. Yes. This was my first positive pregnancy test in nearly six years of trying.

Thursday brought with it another blood test. This time they were testing both for HcG and Progesterone (though how they could gauge that second one when they have me taking Progesterone, I’m not sure. Whatever.)

Friday morning I called in for my new results, and was informed that my HcG level had only gone up three to 26, and it’s supposed to have at least doubled by that point. Obviously, another test was in order. My arms were not pleased with this news.

Friday night I went to see New Moon. This improved my mood considerably.

Saturday morning I went in for the next blood test, and boy howdy that was painful. Then I went to spend the weekend with friends watching Supernatural (I’m finally in Season 5!) and organizing their DVD collection. That last part should give you an idea of the state of my nerves. They were totally shot. But now Catslyn and Eideann have their movies in alphabetical order.

Monday morning, bright and early, I called in to get the results of the third test. I was told to call back at noon as the results were not in yet. So, I did what anyone else in my situation would have done. I went back to sleep. At noon (which is when I leave for work, by the way) I called in once more for the results, only to discover that my HcG levels were now going down. The nurse stated that she would talk to the doctor and get back to me. When we finally connected (after I’d spent an hour working on the Info desk and not bursting into tears) it was determined that I get to to yet another blood test when I get back from Thanksgiving vacation. They want to make sure that the levels go back to normal, apparently.

So, there you are. My week-long roller coaster. At this point I’m low on actual data, but I gather that I was pregnant for a very short time. I guess this means that It’s actually possible. The Shingles probably didn’t help things. It hasn’t completely gone away yet, by the way. At least it doesn’t hurt anymore.

Okay. Enough with the sadness. Check out this 1967 Mustang that I found.

Tuesday, I took the day off. I got an IUI and discovered that I can nap in my car quite effectively. Except for the whole “dreaming that you’re driving” problem. (I dreamed that I was trying to get a stray dog to get into my car. The street was a busy one,m but he just wanted to frisk about. Weird.) It turned out to be very good that I took Tuesday off. Let’s just say that I was in a certain amount of pain and leave it at that.

Wednesday found me wondering what might possibly be giving me hives.

Thursday found me wondering why my rash was hurting and calling the advice nursed.

And today (Friday) I find that I do not have hives…

I have Shingles.

Shingles, for Heaven’s sake. When I can’t take much in the way of painkiller. (Though the Doc I saw tried to offer me some Vicodin. Ew. Can’t take that for two reasons…)

And my vacation starts on Wednesday.

Grumble.

I’m going to give up and go to sleep now. Night all.

Just a quick fertility update: Tuesday is the day this time around. For once, I actually took the day off. That will really cut down on my stress level, especially since I have to be there at 8am for my first stop and then I need to come back at a little after 11 for the actual procedure.

Wish me luck.

As I’m typing this, a certain kitty is meowing for attention. Oh. And head-butting me. It’s sweet. …Either that, or there’s some kid named Timmy stuck in a well somewhere.

Anyway, I should probably give you a quick update on the infertility front:

Well…much to my surprise the cyst went away in one fore-shortened cycle. I’m told that the whole week too short cycle thing can be caused by cysts, so there’s my new fact for the day. I’ve gone back to the belly stabbing. This time I’m using more of the medication. Oh, and my belly? Not too happy about the whole situation as you might imagine. Here’s hoping that all this discomfort isn’t for nothing.

The day started with me waking up early (yet again) and staring at my clock in disbelief. Why do I keep waking up before my alarm? I think it’s a plot somehow worked out by those “early to bed” people. Either that or it was stress. Could be either. Once I was actually conscious, I made The Call while still in bed. After nearly six years of this, I wasn’t really all that surprised to find out that the results came back negative. Sigh. I had no time to dwell on this, though, as I had to get ready for my dentist appointment.

Like many, I’m not really that big on going to the dentist. I like having to get up early to visit the dentist even less. Really, I avoid getting up early in general, but that’s beside the point. I arrived at the dentist’s office just about on time, but as we got set up it was discovered that the walkman from my last visit had gone missing. Luckily, just as I was beginning to despair a bit, the dentist looks at me and says, “What kind of music…wait…classic rock right?”

I nodded.

Dentist: “So… you like AC/DC and Motorhead?”

Me: “Actually, Back in Black has been stuck in my head for the last two and a half days.”

Dentist: “I’ll get my iPhone.”

It turns out that the only music he had on his iPhone was pretty much all of AC/DC and some Motorhead. I approve. So, I ended up listening to both the Back in Black album and the TNT album while I was there. This helped quite a bit…even if I still had Back in Black stuck in my head.

A quick note about the song Back in Black by AC/DC. Over the last three days now, I have had the opportunity to ponder this song mightily, and two things have occurred to me. 1) This song could be used to make quite the routine for a morris dancing troupe. 2) Other than morris dancing, a simple jazz square is the perfect dance step for this song. I’m thinking that you now know a bit too much about how my mind works. Moving on.

Okay, so now comes the part where I tell you about my newest obsession: Corvairs. Yep. I like classic cars, and like Koshvader wants a Stingray, I want a Corvair. Specifically, I’d like a 1964-1969 hardtop automatic of some sort. Like this 1964 red hardtop:

I’ve been torturing myself over on Classic Cars.com these last few weeks, and today was no exception. That car up above? It’s only $4,500.00. *whimper*

Just for fun, here’s Koshvader’s dream car – a 1966 Corvette Stingray:

Right. So I suppose that you’re wondering why I want a classic car. Honestly? I’m a bit worried about all of the computer bits in cars these days. I get this feeling like I’ll be driving down the road someday and my car will blue screen on me. I feel that I’d be better off if I also have a car that I can learn to fix myself, you know?

Also? Classic cars are really cool. They’d be totally worth the cost of insurance…once I’ve paid off the cars I have now. (Or so I keep telling myself.) I’d like to have one in black or British Racing Green, but I’ll take a red one. Not the best commuter car to buck traffic with, but then, what is?

And now, I’m off to bed so I can be rested up to go see Kylie Minogue in concert tomorrow. *squee*