(Warning: The following open letter contains adult themes and just a dash of smugness.)
Dear Spammer (you know who you are),
I know that rule number one for dealing with spammers is: Don’t engage, it’ll just encourage them. But sometimes…okay, once in a blue moon, there comes a spam message that you really want to reply to. I received one such the other day. Instead of replying in some other fashion that might just encourage you (see rule#1) I am taking this opportunity to address you in a public forum.
To the spammer who recently offered me a penis enlargement patch guaranteed to make said penis “a full eight inches long” I say: I laugh at you.
Why the hell would I want my husband’s penis to shrink?